Changes

It's so great and so fulfilling to watch my baby girl grow and develop. Sometimes I just sit and watch her, because it's so interesting to me to watch her learn. She'll spend 20 minutes just staring at her hand, twisting it this way and that. She already knows she can control it, but I think she's realizing just how much control she has over it. It's really an incredible thing to watch.

I also notice changes within myself. I'm not just Jess anymore, I'm a mom. I'm "mom". There are days when I get home from work, she sees me, and if I leave the room for even a second, she starts crying because she wants me to hold her. There are nights that I sit up feeding, rocking, and shh'ing her to sleep. There are mornings that I wake up to a happy, smiling, chatty baby. Most mornings, in fact.

There are nights like last night, where she's fussy and wakes up every hour wanting to eat. I know she's fussy because she's teething, and she's hurting. So I feed her, rock her, whatever it takes to make her comfortable and help her get to sleep. We take her to the doctor for her check-ups, and I cry when she gets shots. I don't like hearing the cry of pain when they stick her with the needle...it just breaks my heart.

I eat better, for her sake and my own. I want to be healthier and lose some weight, I want to be able to keep up and to play with my daughter. Most importantly, I want to ensure that I'm around for her as long as I possibly can be, and that means taking better care of myself.

I think more and more about the future. Our future as a family, Savannah's future. The fact that Peter and I are solely responsible for raising a child, making sure she eats her veggies, does her homework, and goes to bed on time...it's an interesting thing to think about. I know that we're up to the challenge, and we look forward to it.